be my bestfriend?

This entry has nothing to do with anyone.

Tapi kalao yg terasa tu,

to hell with it. Why should I care? 

Actually, aku cukup pantang,

i repeat, cukup pantang kepada org yg 

mementingkan rupa ni.

Bagi aku, you are what you ae.

Kalau muka cantik ke hensem ke tapi perangai cam siot,

to hell with YOU.

X kire lah pompuan ke laki ke,

sama je.

Okay, fine.

Aku x nafikan, kalau nak kata kita x tgk

rupa dulu sblum memilih,

that's a huge lie. 

People DO judge the book by its cover.

Entah sape je yg buat peribahasa ni.

Nyampah aku.

Tapi, masa kita berkawan,

do we judge that friend from his/her looks?

Pernah ke kita nak kawan ngan seseorang tu

kita tgk dia cantik tak?

Macam bidadari tak?

Hensem tak?

Babyface tak?

Eleh. Bajet diri sendiri tu macam HAWT sgt.

So, kalau kita x judge seseorang tu masa nk kawan ngan

dia, perlu ke kita judge seseorg tu kalau

kita nak kapel ngan dia?

DO explain.

For me, if you like her,

then LIKE her.

There's nothing to do with 

her FACE or something~

It's the thing to do with her heart that matters, kan?

So, why choose only beautiful face?

Yg buruk buruk cam aku ni nak letak katne?

Sampai mati pun xde org nak camni! haha~

Anyway. 

I'm going too far from the topic ni.

Aku pernah mengalami saat macam ni.

When you're ugly, no one looks at you.

You feels empty. Macam invisible.

No one wants to make friends with you.

Why?

Coz you're black.

Coz you're jongang.

Coz you're juling.

Coz you're fat.

Coz you have jerawat.

Coz mulut you sumbing.

So what with all these??

So what if you're black?

skarang ni bnyk kot produk2 pemutihan kulit!

You love her for her heart, kan?

Kalau dah x tahan sgt tgk muka dia,

buy her olay, ke safi ke, ERIESYA ke.. that's enough.

Black can be cured, right?

Tapi kalau perangai hodoh susah nak ubah, tul tak?

So, better be black than having black heart.

I admit.

Dulu aku hodoh. (eleh. bajet skarang cantik. haha)

But seriously. Aku buruk gile. 

Aku lagi suka rupa aku skarang. Walaupun x cantik mana,

tapi at least aku lebih baik dari dulu.

Dulu aku gemok. Lagi gemuk dari sekarang.

Badan mengerbang cam pintu gerbang.

I weighed more than an elephant. (exaggerate je ni. Haha)

Macam negro. Dah la hitam, gemuk plak tu.

Nasib baik aku x jongang je.

Back then, no one cares to notice me.

Except for my friends laa.

Dulu aku selalu nak dengar ayat ni,

"Boleh berkenalan tak?"

Kempunan tau?

No one wants to say it. Dang it, i'm not beautiful, kan? 

No wonder people don't want to say anything. 

Dulu, aku cuma mampu pandang je saat kawan

kawan aku di"ngorat". 

Ye la.. kawan2 aku sume cantik.

Aku je yg buruk. 

Rendah diri siot.

And now, when people say to me,

"eh, awk lawa la, nk berkenalan boleh?"

ayat tu mmg dah lama aku tunggu.

but i don't feel what am i suppose to feel.

Rasa nyampah adela.

Ye la, aku ade pengalaman ni.

I don't judge people by his looks.

I judge him from his heart.

If i like him, then I LIKE him.

I'm honest. 

aku tak kan kata,

"eh, hensemnye mamat tu. Nak add dia kat FB la."

No freaking way.

Kalau sesape jumpa aku kte camtu,

that's not me.

Kill her.

Aku takkan kata,

"Eww.. tak padan dgn muka la mamat ni, ada hati nak ngorat aku."

No. I would never ever said that.

Aku rasa akulah org yg paling senang cair

dgn kata-kata.

Coz, i don't need jiwang-jiwang words.

All i need is the word from your heart je.

Seriously I HATE JIWANG GUYS. Sorry guys. Not specifically guys.

I HATE JIWANG SENTENCES is the correct term.

I puke to jiwang sentences. 

please la.

Dulu aku cam, waa bestnye kan kalo ade org ucap benda tu kat aku..

And now I'm like, what the heck? X suka la jiwang jiwang ni. 

Geli.

And entry ni ditujukan kepada mamat-mamat

yg meng'add' pompuan kat FB atas dasar rupa.

Klau nak kawan, kawan je lah. No need to say,

"awk ni cantik, jom kawan."

Diskriminasi tau?

Okay fine. Nanti korang kate plak,

"eh minah ni, org puji salah, org kutuk salah."

No. It's not because of puji-puji or

something like that. I love being praised.

But please don't make ur praises as an excuse, ok?

Niat tu penting.

Ikhlas ke tak.

Bagi aku, i don't want to find A BOYFRIEND.

Aku nak cari A BESTFRIEND.

I want my special person to be

my BESTFRIEND first sebelum dia jd boyfriend aku.

Get to know me.

Know what am I like.

Know what I hate.

Used to my habit.

Know my friends..

Before he can say that i'm pretty or whatever.

Love me for my attitude,

and not my face.

Dude, that's just a picture je la.

what if you meet me and suddenly you changed your mind?

"eh pompuan ni lain gile dari gambar. Dalam gambar cam bidadari."

So what? Pictures can lie. 

My pictures lied to everyone.

All the time. Be careful ya?

So.... Be my BESTFRIEND?? <3

Syg korg..!

Sheera
syeeirra@yahoo.com

Today's not a very good day.

I don't know what hits me and suddenly i'm crying. I really thought i'm over it, but guess what? I'm not. I'm still remembering. It's just coming back to me all of a sudden, and i think i'm losing it. To tell you the truth, i'm crying while i'm typing, at this very moment. I used to tell my mom everything, but then she's gone and i have no one. I can't tell my friends, they wouldn't understand. I can't tell anyone. I wouldn't want to share with my father or brother about this. Maybe because i'm still in fever and coughing that i suddenly feels like crying. Maybe.

But laying alone in my room makes me remember something i wish to forget. My mom always said, you don't have to forget that something if you know you're not wrong. But mom, i am wrong. That's why i want to forget. It's too much for me. It's not easy keeping this thing inside you for months, not telling anyone about it. It's burning me. I'm not suppose to feel this feeling. I'm suppose to be happy because i'm trying to forget so that they will be happy.. Somehow, i don't feel happy at all. All these suppressed sadness that i've been keeping inside me bursting out, and i can't tell anyone about it.

All these months i've been keeping silent, then a single flashback makes me cry. Why does this have to happen to me? Why not anyone else? I know it's Allah testing me, but it's too much i can't contain anymore. I used to take this matter lightly because my mom told me it's okay, it's normal. everyone feels like that sometimes. everyone feels hurt sometimes. 

I've tried keeping my distance far away, so that i wouldn't be affected. I don't know where should i go. I can't be anywhere near or else i'll cry again. So, i'll be somewhere far. So when my mom's gone, i don't know where to put my feelings. I used to pour it into her ears and she'll listen patiently. That's why i'm shedding tears. It's painful when you're crying for someone when the person didn't even know. i don't think i'm going for any trip anymore in future. Sorry guys. But if i changed my mind, i'll be sure to tell u guys back. That's when i've forget. and you know it'll take months again for me to be normal.

sorry for not sharing anything. I just.. can't. I WANT TO. But i can't. Honestly. I'm stupid. i thought for once i'll have the chance. My mom used to say, you have to be patient, you'll get what you want. But i don't think so. How much i put my patience here not going to change anything. It'll be the same. I'm still me, andi'm unacceptable. I'm a failure.

Syg korg..!

Sheera

syeeirra@yahoo.com

My Blushing Experience.. #1

 Aha.

looking at the title i guess you all probably know already that i'm going to share my rare experience of blushing. Ha-ha. Funny is it? I know. i know. 

stop laughing.

ok. You can stop laughing now.

Actually, i have several experience of blushing.. and all of them were sweet moments to me that i could never forget them. true. well, i'm not going to state it chronologically.. but i'll tell u guys the time setting so that u guys won't be rather confused.

Just so you know, i'm not doing this segment of entry everyday, so don't expect me to update my experience everyday since i've got other things to write.. So, maybe My Blushing Experience will be published like, twice a week.. or probably longer than that if i haven't recall any experience of my uninteresting past life. Ha-ha.

So. today i'm thinking of recalling my experience with Mr. F, the one who appeared in my previous entry before this entry, Love Quote for The Day. The one with cocky grin. kyaaahh! :)

Okay. To make things better, i think i should elaborate Mr F more so that you guys know his characteristics in which can make me blush so hard like a tomato. Kuang3.

Mr F is very cocky and an egoistic man. Well, he's ego he wouldn't want to admit his mistakes of rummaging through my mobile phone and stalked my messages even though i caught him doing that. We're pretty good friends ourselves. And he's cynical, but i don't mind him and his huge weakness of being an egoistic monster. He's very cocky that he would repeated his victory of winning a chess match over and over and over again for 3 days non stop. yeah, he could do it. Wait. He already did. and my ears already *bernanah*  hearing those stories from him.

Behind all those, he is a good friend. It's just that we have a tiny bit misunderstanding, and we have lost in contact since then. Too bad. i don't know whose fault is it.. was it mine or him, i don't really care. He doesn't seem to care also, so.. let it be. But, i feel bad of having our good relationship ruined just like that. We've been friends for a year and a half and suddenly it's gone. woosh. poor me.

Anyway. Lets move on. There's this one day, we have a dedication day. All sort of dedications, like, love declarations, sending regards ,  whatever - we can have it done by those who handled the dedication day. Meaning that, if you wanna send love regards to somebody and wanna gave that 'body' *haha* a present, the AJK can handle that. 

All you have to do is buy the presents from the AJK *they prepared some candies, roses, lollipops, little teddys, cards and all those varieties you can choose from,* and write something for that person *class and full name of the person, okay..* and you're done. If you want it to be mysterious, you can put;

From: anonymous.

Or just left the space "from" empty. 

done.

Okay. The same thing happened to me. Due to the wickedness of my friends, they had gone to see the AJK and decided to send Mr. F gift and a love regard from me, which i was in complete unknowing-ness. I didn't know anything about this. 

They had sent Mr. F a cute lollipop, saying;

Dear Mr. F, 

Love regards from: Your Siput.

I feel like i wanna cry. Everybody from his class laughed and shot me weird/cynical look. They already know what that "siput" means. So, terang-terangan lah it's me, kan? 

I only know about this matter when i met him at DS/DM *i forget the correct term* at lunch hour and he was holding that lollipop, giving me his cocky grin. 

So i asked him, "what's wrong with u today? You look rather happy."

and he replied, "I'm not eating this. I don't like eating candies, so i guess i'll just keep it."

I said, "You're not answering my question. why are you so happy.."

And he cut me off, "Whatever." and he walked away.

And feeling annoyed as hell, i lost my appetite and went back to the dorm. as i'm telling my friends about that cocky bastard, one of my friend laughed. I pushed them to tell me the truth and they told me they'd pulled a prank on me in which the whole Mr.F's class knew that I gave him the lollipop, sending him love regards. I feel like fainting. And yeah. I blushed beet red.

Oh well. even if i told him the truth, Mr. F would say that i'm bluffing him to cover my embarrassment. So.. let him be. Let him think that i'm the one sending the lollipop. 

I wonder if he still keep it. Hmm..

i miss him and his cocky grin, huuuuu~

Syg korg..!

Sheera
syeeirra@yahoo.com