One-sided

Loving someone that doesn't love you
is like reaching for a star..
you know you'll never reach it..
but you just got to keep trying.. and trying~

I was reading one of the blog
that i've found nowhere when i come across this
quote.. And i thought that it is too
much of a coincident that i think i should
make my own story on it~

It was like the feeling of

"wanting someone/something
that you'll never have,".

You want it.. but you know you can't get it
no matter how hard you try.. and it hurts..
well.. i've encountered plenty.. well..
the keyword IS plenty, no matter how you look at it,
i have encountered too many.

well, it is hard to be the only
one who loved.. and yet we have no
one to blame..

Well, let's not
talk about MY stories.. ehhe.. it's too painful to be
remembered..


but anyway.. people keep asking,

"does this kind of affection works?"

of course it didn't! (~i'll say..)

well, it's a ONE-SIDED love, for god sake..
and no matter which angle you looked
at it, it'll still be you and yourself..
not you and him/her..


this is a story that i've taken
from my friends (key-word = friendS)
and i kind of combine it..

it's nothing like an ordinary story..
because it's not a story..
it's more like a, "luahan perasaan,".. uh.. what
do people call that in English?
=-=''
well, let just hope it won't make you cry..
and it won't because it's not

sad at all! hehe

Well, if you are one of the
one-sided group, come and join us! You
are most welcomed to read the entry.. 

hehe..

This entry and the story below

it has nothing to do with anyone, anyplace

anytime at all.. 

okay?

Good.
..

..

..

He was everything I wanted in a man.
but with one fatal flaw…
he wasn’t in love with me.

Now, notice I said in-love,
cause I know that he had love for me
but being in love with someone
and loving them is different.


the first time i met him, i didn't even remember where.
he filled my world like he was there all his life..
He was just.. amazing.
I couldn't put any word to describe him,
but i'll say he's sweet..
Not in a sense of Cadbury, or Vochelle..
But sweet in his own way..
so sweet that he melt me with his smile..

You know, I never think of this as a
"Love at first-sight," because it never occured to
me that this boy, was the boy i would fall for..
well, firstly, he's not handsome,
not that i'm saying he's ugly.. but he's not the
kind that people will swoon upon looking at his
face at the first glance..

but if you look closely, there's something
about him that is really special..
something unknown..

My teacher would call this attraction.

In her class, she would say that
certain people have certain kind of attraction..

"well, people call it X-Factor," she said.

She said that people with the
X-Factor is unique..


"sometimes, when you look through his eyes
you'll find something special.. something that is
indescribable. That is his X-Factor,"

oh well.. he's most probably a lucky
person, i guess..
 

Hm.. to cut it short, i never knew the exact time
that i have fallen in love with him.. Well,
i would say it's weird.. because it came without
warning.. and out of the blue, i
couldn't live without him by my side anymore..

i remembered the first thing he said to
me, "Let's be friends forever,"
and we did be friends.. It's just that i had diverted
my feelings in the wrong direction..
and not just any direction..
my direction completely changed
my feelings towards him..

I hate this feeling..
somehow it made me felt like
i was in cloud nine.. but at certain point,
i'll cry.. for that i knew this was wrong..
and then i'll cry again, for knowing this was wrong
and yet kept doing it..
and i'll keep on crying because i know..
no matter what i do, this feelings will
never stop..

It made me feel giddy.. eager
and probably excited..
but just in a while, i'll be whining and
sighing for he'll never consider
me that way.. I know him so
well that he only take me as his friend..


my friend once said,

" boy and girl can never be friends..
because love will come in the way,"


and i never believed that. Until now.
But somehow, i was wondering..
it is really my feelings, or it's
just my mind playing tricks on me?


and what do you call the feelings of hatred
when other people look at your "belongings"?

Jealousy.

And boy i hate that feeling too.
It could make all your veins popped
and you'll end up in plenteous loss
of blood afterward..

i hate it when he said to her,
"Are you okay?"

I want it to be like,
"Stop being cry-baby!"

I hate it when he said to her,
"You look beautiful,"

I want it to be like,
"What the heck are you wearing?!"

I hate it when he said to her,
"Hi,"

I want it to be like,
"What's up?"


it's really different.. with what he 

had said to me..
it really is..


I hate it when he said to me,
"Hey, uh.. call me later.. i'm going out."

Why can't it be like,
"Hey, let's go out sometimes.."

I hate it when he said to me,
"Wait, do you have any beautiful friends?"

Why can't it be like,
"I think you're prettier than her,"

I hate it when he said to me,
"Don't worry.. You'll be fine.."

Why can't it be like,
"Don't worry, i'll be here for you.."

I hated every single thing he said to me..
and hated every single thing
he said to her..

well,
this feelings have turn me into a
monster.. a big green monster,
full with hatred and jealousy..
i hated myself so much..
too much that i never wanted to even
take a peek at her.. because i know,
if i look at her, i will not
be myself..


I once ask him,
"don't you ever like somebody?"

He said to me,
"Maybe. One of them is you."

and later that night, i was flying.
I was flying so high that i fall off from
my bed, and had a bump on my head.
later that night too,
i couldn't sleep.. my eyes were wide open
that the next day, i was scolded by my teacher for
falling in sleep in class..

all that because of one single thing he said..

yes,
people said.. girls can easily misunderstood
what boys said.
Most probably the thing that he said
to me, he didn't mean it seriously..
maybe he meant it, but not the way i thought he was..


oh well,
Now this didn’t stop me from still wanting
to be with him.. and on the contrary
it made me want him more.


I guess it’s the “wanting what you can’t have” scenario.
God, did I try and try to forget him.
That experience left a sort of hole in my heart
to this day and although I found the love
I was looking for in someone else
I still wonder,

"Why he couldn’t love me..?"

"Am I not good enough for him?"

"What's the difference between me and her?"

well, you know.. the only solution to this
problem is to find another
love..
maybe..
just maybe.. it's good to forget than to keep..


tHE END~

To keep or to forget~

She locked away a secret..

deep inside herself.. something she once knew to be true..

but then she chose to forget..

for a reason.. that she might hurt somebody..

or maybe.. she's being selfish..

as she was afraid.. that it will hurt herself..

more than it hurt anyone else..

so, she chose to forget..

choosing was not easy.. and keeping was not easy either..

she was upset.. but she couldn't show it..

she was broken inside.. and nobody could see it..

and the secret.. was not just easily forgotten..

maybe.. just maybe..

it might took her years to forget..

but she still with her decision..

she chose to forget..

it was locked.. yet still the key to the secret was still in her hands..

she just had to get rid of it..

but she didn't have the heart..

it is wrong just to keep it?

or is it much better to forget about it?

so much different between the sun and the star, is it?

she was just being a sun..

glimmering on the day.. 

whereas the star.. was just fine being herself..

and didn't need the sun to be beautiful..

because she had her moon..

yes, sun can't never be with the moon..

but the star was always be..

and that, she chose to forget..

maybe it's the best for everyone.. 

well.. just maybe..

Yang Sempurnakanku~

Kaulah bidadari dalam hidupku
Yang selalu hadir di dalam mimpiku

Bunga yang selalu harungi hariku
Anugerah Tuhan yang sempurnakanku

Bila kau jauh
Aku selalu rindu
Bila kau ada
Hatikan berbunga

Ku akan selalu menjadi bintangmu
Menerangi gelap dan mimpimu

Aku setia di sini mengusap tangismu
Menemani sunyi di hatimu..

LaWaTan kE PoRt DickSon~

Baru2 ni, tanggal 24 Julai,

kalo tak silap aku la.. kitorang sekelas, PPISMP 3.10

gabuungan bersame  dgn sekerat dak2 klas PPISMP 3.11

selaku driver yg bertauliah

mengadekan lawatan smbil belajar ke port dickson. 

hehe..

port dickson je pun.. tapi sgt best..

aku penah pegi skali je kat port dickson..

masuk ngan yg ni adelah dua kali.. hehe..

aku sgt suke berjalan sbnrnye..

tapi x berpeluang sbb bila dah balik umah,

mmg tak dpt pegi mane2 dah..

huhuu.. paham2 je la situasi aku..

aku ni kirenye duduk kat 

bandar Pasir Puteh (dulu la)

sbb skarang duk kat area kg sikit.. tapi,

kalau nak kira time aku kuar kat bandar tu

sangatlah jarang~

huhu.. ape yg ak merepek ni~ huhu

Berbalik kepade percutian yg tak dpt

dilupekan hari tu.. hehe.. aku citerkan serba sedikit

mcm mne boleh terlibatnye dak2 klas seblah dlm vacation kitorg.. kuang3.. ;)

sbnrnye, kitorg rancang nak pegi n sewa

3 buah kete, sebab sebuah lg dah ade, kancil ACU 24.. kete Ain..

so, overall sume kete ade 4 buah laa..

pastu tibe2 je Juki kate ade satu je kete Auto.. (time ni mase ngah wat spaghetti.. malam)

Yg dua lagi manual.. huhu aku tibe2 aje

rase tak moh pegi sbb diorg kte diorg

x expert bwk manual..  nyawaku dihujung tanduk la 

kalo camtu..

lggpun, ak tak brani la sbb kitorg pegi ni

bukannye sorg dua, tapi

skelas.. kalo jadi pape.. aku yg tua ni yg dipersalahkan..

hehe.. sbb x jge adik2.. hehhe

lepastu.. Al pun mengajak Juki 

untuk pergi sbb memandangkan 

dh takde org yg snggup drive kete manual tu.. hehe

so, aku pun mengajak sorg lagi pemandu yg profesional (ye ke hehe)

iaitu pok cik Zuhri. Juri pon on je, so aku pun ajak lg sorg peneman,

iaitu YB.. kua kua kua..

Notice the time pd mase ni adelah pukul 12 malam (lebih kurg)

Juri pom ckp yg Md Noe nak pegi ugak..

pastu tup3.. kitorg pun tolak kete auto tu

n amik 2 buah kete manual.. sbb Juri kate

Md noe mempunyai kerete

yg sgt cantik. hehe

ak yg terpedaye pun menyuruh

mereka mmbincangkan ngan juki.. hehee..

pastu settle. Kitorg pergi bertolak kol 8 pg

lebih kurang..

Kate Angah, kitorg yg naik kete2 kancil 

dan SAGA (haha) ni dikire sbg kuarge.. 

Tolak kete Ain, sbb sume jande2 berhias.. hehe

hoho.. 

kete kancil pertame dibawak oleh Juki.

Driver yg mcm pelesit. Sgt laju.

Second in command pulak angah.. 

hm.. angah pun pandai bwk kete gak.. hehe..

Tak leh blah tol la gambar ni.. haha

malu malu plak mak cik tu.. hahaaha

tapi seyes, gambar ni cantik.. huhuhu

dan penumpang2 nye atau bak kate angah anak-anak mereka

ialah yg super koOL dan vogue gitu..

Al-fhatihah, syu dan Atikah yg mantop! hahaha

kete ni la yg paling bnyk drama skali sbb 'mama'

diorg ni drama queen. haha.. jgn marah angah ;)

tapi mmg klako la diorg tu.. Biaselah klas kitorg, kalau bercakap mmg kuat.. Kesian Juki yg senyap tu.. haha..

Ni la anak2 VOGUE.. heheh

sume cantik2 dan slim melim.. hehe

kete kedua plak opkosh la dibawak oleh ain.. ACU 24

hehe.. sbnrnye yg amik gambar cumelah famili VOGUE tu je.. 

yg lain2 tak amik gambar pom..

haha.. kete yg ketige, kete SAGA yg dibawak oleh Md Noe dan 

ditumpangi Zuhri.. huhu..

Last but not least, kete yg dinaiki aku.. hehe

dibawak oleh mr. YB.. hohohoo..

terkagum jap tgk skill memandu YB..

bile la aku nk amik lesen nihh~

umo dah tua.. huhuhu

hmm.. sblum sampai PD,

kitorg singgh kat umah ziq dulu.. hehe

Duk kat umah Ziq,  kitorg makan sgale macam makanan.. ade durian.. mihun.. karipap pom ade.. hehe

pastu tibe 2 YB dapat kol

n ade masalah pulak.. masalah yg x dpt dielakkan..

jadi beliau pun membalikkan diri beliau

ke Kelantan.. huhu..

cian YB.. tape2.. nnti kite pg lagi.. kua kua kua.. hehee

oleh itu, kete ku diambil alih

oleh pok cik juri...

pastu kitorg pom sampe kat PD..

lepas best2 bersuke ria..

kami pom singgah kat putrajaya..

aku sampai skrg masih tak tau ape

tujuan kitorg singgah kat putrajaya tu..

huhu ape2 pun..

on the way nk gi putrajaya..

kete aku sesat. ni sume pasal pok cik juri.

hehehe.. pusing punye pusing~

lame bru sampai masjid putra.. haha...

pastu kitorg pom balik lah ngan aman....

ak ase nak gi lg skali leh tak? hehe

 ;)

pade mase itu.. aku telah mendapat berite

bahawe kete saga yg menjadi kesygan ku sekeluarge

telah rosak teruk gile sbb dilanggar bas..

huhu.. naseb bek abah takde pape..

ma aku kate, lepas kete tu kene langgar bas,

kete tu berpusing-pusing kejap,

lepas tu ada motor dtg langgar dari arah depan..

aku yg dengar ni mengucap panjang~

nasib baik tak de pape yg buruk terjadi..

kalau tak, aku tak kn dapat trime hakikat tu..

huhu

syukur alhamdulillah~

kaWank - KawAnKku yaNk BusHuk! :)

Sebenarnye, bnyk gambo2 aku ngan kawan2

yg aku tak sempat nak kongsikan..  hehe

ye la.. gamba tak cntik pom~ kua kua kua..

nak jugak aku citerkan sikit2 tntang diorg ni~

agak2, diorg marah tak? hehe

tak kot..

jd la gleme jap.. hehe

nway.. yg seblah kiri tu.. name dia awin.. kwn

baik aku kat ipg-kpi nie~ hehe..

putih melepak bak susu! jelez jap~

name sebenar dia?

buat pe nak tw?  x penting.. kdg2 kite kne jage

gak privasi org.. hehe..

awin ni seorg kwn yg baik.. wpun emo ckit 

(mcm aku)

hehe.. tapi kitorg on je.. kua kua kua

gambar ni diambil mse kat alamanda..

buruk gile baju aku.. hehe..

ape ape pun.. siapelah aku nak judge org.. kan kan kan?

so, ape yg boleh aku katekan, awin ni seorg yg sangat2 peramah.. n baik hati..

kdg2 terlampau baik hati pun ye gak.. hehe

n layan lagu2 rock kapak.. haha!

hmm.. ni pulak, kawan aku yg paling kamceng time duk kat Kolej MARA Kulim dulu.. Name dia Yana..

 Dia sgt la outspoken.. Bezanye ngan Awin, jauh sgt.. hehe.. Sbb, Yana ni lebih daring cikit..

 Cikit je laa.. hehe..

Ape2 pun, aku takkan lupekan kenangan-kenangan kitorg kat Matrik dulu.. hheee.. Banyak benda2 memalukan yang Yana suke buat kat aku.. huh..

diorg suke sgt kenekan aku.. tp, bkn la kenakan as in buat benda2 jahat... tapi, bnda2 yg buat ak malu n rase cam nak nyorok dlm tandas je.. hehe

Apekah benda2 itu.. hmm.. x yah ckp la.. bikin ak malu je.. hheheee.. tapi yg penting, mase kat Matrik la paling best, sbb geng2 kitorg ni masing2 ade masalah masing2.. Una ngan abg Nyok nye, Yana ngan Miau nye.. dan aku pulak dgn Siputku.. hahaha.. tapi tu dulu.. skrg ni no more siput dah... org lain la pulak.. hehe ;)

Haa.. yg ni pulak, kawan aku time skolah mnengah.. Org panggil dia Mc Yah.. Kalo korg tertanye2 yang mane satu Mc Yah, dia yg duduk paling tengah..

Dia ni partner in crime ak time skolah mnengah.. bIaselah, aku ni mse skolah dulu, bukannye baik sgt.. suke tido.. kuang3.. Dah la duduk blakang skali.. asal cikgu mngajar je makan gula2.. hehe..

Paling ak ingat time Fizik.. Kitorg bwk punyelah bnyk gule2.. tapi ngantuk gak.. aku mmg x leh pegi ngan fizik.. huhuhu..

Hmm.. asenye stakat ni la dulu kowt.. 

Nanti lain kali ak tambahkan bilangan gambar kwn2 pulak.. hehe

Ni pun, ak takut diorg marah sbb curik2 gune gambar diorg letak

dlm blog.. hehehe ;)

jgn marah tau korg.. korang sume kan baik.. hehe

InsyaAllah, kalau ade kesempatan, ak nak gi kedah

ujung tahun ni, nak g umah Yana..

tapi tak tahu la tu..

takut gak ak nak pi sorg2..

kena ajak org teman ni..

tapi sape la yg nak nemankan.. 

tiket bukannye murah.. huhu...

takpelah.. ape2 pun, 

kite tgk dulu.. 

aku ni cume merancang je.. 

Allah yg tentukan.. kot2 la

hujung tahun ni x jd pegi kedah..

pegi tempat lain pulak.. huhu

Sonok aku naik keta time PD ari tu.. hihii ;)

x leh lupe tol.. lain kali kne ajak diorg pegi lg.. 

best3!! spotim la diorg tuh! :)