2.45 a.m.
it's almost three, and i still can't get
my eyes to close.
yesterday, i've had a nightmare, and
today i can't sleep..
two days full of torture.
orang kata,
"how much the person means to you,
is when you know that you actually cry or feel affected of whatever
he/she has said,"
lepas nangis 2 - 3 round
semalam, n hari ni..
baru aku tahu,
rupanya dia tu bermakna - lah jugak bagi aku.
i actually never think that her words
will affect me so much,
that it hurts like this..
that i'm crying, feeling like it's the end
of the world..
aku rasa aku anggap dia
mcm kawan baik sendiri.
i actually did.
i always feel like she's
my little sister,
whom i treasure so much..
mcm darah daging sendiri.
believe me.
semua kawan aku, aku rasa mcm
darah daging aku.
sebab ngan kawan - kawan lah
aku gembira, aku sedih..
but in the end,
this friend makes me
stop believing in true friendship.
aku tak tau nak percaya sape dah.
"kenapa lah aku mudah sgt percaya kat org?
sedangkan di akhirnya,
aku sendiri yang sakit?"
i've always asked myself this.
dan aku tak pernah jumpa jawapan
pada soalan ni.
in the end, knowing a truth
can actually destroy everything.
kepercayaan tu dah hilang.
selama mana pun aku kawan ngan org tu,
ia x mnjamin sikap org tu terhadap aku.
perkara yg paling sakit, ialah bila
dengar dr org lain, kebenaran itu.
and i tried, honestly i tried, to play it cool.
buat mcm aku tak tau pape
kawan mcm biasa..
even sometimes nampak jugak la
layanan aku terhadap beliau berbeza dr biasa.
at least i tried.
it hurts me more that i can't confess to anyone.
it hurts me more that i can't confide to anyone.
i tried to stay calm.
aku cuba, serius.
tapi in the end, i end up crying in the toilet at 2 a.m.
aku bukanlah jenis yang akan
marah depan depan.
it's my nature.
kalau aku marah aku diam.
aku cuba untuk tak marah,
but then, the words keep rolling
inside my head..
and i end up not talking.
somehow i purposely
pinjam buku novel banyak gila,
to stop myself from thinking.
tapi buku jiwang sgt la pulak,
n i end up nangis lagi.
ha-ha.
kelakar pulak bila
rasa yang selama ni aku percaya dia
sgt sgt n she ends up
tikam belakang aku.
the funny thing is, the word "tikam belakang"
is not even suitable.
entahla.
Syg korg..!
Sheera
